VAEKAE

When I was 21, a near and dear friend of mine gave me the artist name, VAEKAE. I have since adopted my actual name as my artist name, but the concept and the purpose of VAEKAE stays with me. It was perfect timing...what a better blog entry than VAEKAE as I'm in my Stepping Into My Light Era.

VAEKAE was not just a name, it was a persona. While Bree, was this unconfident, scared of the world, scared of the pain of tomorrow, hollowed out person... VAEKAE was living it up! She was beautiful. She was confident in her ability to perform. Whether it was slam poetry, creating art, or standing up in front of a group of strangers, VAEKAE was someone I embodied because it was easier and much more fun than being myself. I wanted to be her for so long, I tried to be her in anyway I could. It was actually my IG handle for a long time.

VAEKAE was here for me when I needed a mask. And now it's time for me to take off that mask and be myself, Breanna Mercado.

I didn't realize how much I was masking to cope with the depression and anxiety. Sometimes masking can be a good thing. It can be the difference between your demise or your survival. And while it was hard to look in the mirror, it was easier to look at VAEKAE. But I've been staring at the mirror long enough to realize my worth. To realize the true me. I'm ready for that truth. VAEKAE isn't gone...she's always within..But reality is better than a mask when it comes down to my value and life itself. I still struggle and may turn to masking or other coping mechanisms from time to time, but I want to experience life through my own lens, raw and unfiltered. Flaws and all.

Title: VAEKAE

Year: 2019

acrylic, charcoal on mixed media paper

24X14